We went to Indian Rock Beach today, and had the most splendid time. We pranced in the waves, choked on the water, and made a sand castle. We even found a sea lemon, and a little hermit crab named Wallace. (: Anyhoo, we went over to a friend's house and played cards, had dinner, and watev. My day had been ball kickin' awesome, and my mood touched the sky. On our way back to the condo, Aleja's dad told us stories of people he had seen being treated when he worked in the E.R. The usual grossnasty shit; man with a gerbil in his ass, women with fruit/golf balls/ deodorant in their hrrrmuuhhhrgh. And then he told us about a dead baby they brought in. This child had been put in the microwave, because the mother didn't want it anymore. I was sick to my stomach. She put her own baby in a fucking microwave because she was tired of it.

...Now, something I've never shared with anyone other than my Best friend before. A few months ago when I went to the doctor's to get a prescription for bc, they ran some tests. The results came back with the news that I was incapable of having a child. I am an infertile woman. As a teen, yeah yeah, it seems convenient but I turn 18 in five months, an adult and now I can feel the devastation creeping up on me whenever my partner and I want to have a child. OR, if I just want to have a baby in general, you know? I remember my mother was already in one of the biggest disappointments of her life when she found out. My father was just as upset. Of course, we haven't told the family, and duh. my friends don't know. But this fucking lady killed her baby. Dear God, I hate people sometimes so fucking much. I'm upset. I could have taken care of that child. A million of infertile women could have adopted that baby and given it the love and attention it so deserved as a little human being...

Funny thing: this morning my mother told me about a dream she had where I came back home visibly pregnant. I laughed, but to be honest, was quite upset. Because it will only ever be a dream. Humanity will keep on being unappreciative and selfish and fucking stupid... and millions of people everywhere will go to bed tonight, starving... homeless... sick... and many will go to bed without love from parents, and many will go to bed without babies to love.

so. goodnight, with a picture of me as a mommy.


peace.

Labels: deep shit, florida, personal, rant

So, I just made Aleja and I breakfast tacos, and she fell back asleep. I've decided to blog a little while I watch Flapjack, and then I'll work out some, hopefully before she wakes. Now I just want to blog about something uninteresting but what has been on my mind 24/7 for a long time now! I'm redoing my hair and for senior year it has to be the best thing I've ever done yet! .But the problem is I'm torn between two dye jobs. I want to either do half and half, much like Nicki Minaj and those harajuku girls do... OR dyed tips and bangs. I want the "natural" color to be a golden chocolate brown and the other color a light pastel lavender. :3 In the winter, I''m going to dye all the "natural" an almost black color, which is actually MY normal hair color.


SO ANYWAY, first day back, I'm going to take my poodles to the groomers and that same day I'm going to dye my hair lavender. That'll be like next Tuesday or Wednesday. ugh. not much time. I may spend like a total of 150 on the groomers and my own hair... So that's not too bad. I think I have like $350 in my 
bank account at the moment.  Omg I love Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. :D Like I was saying, The day after I get my hair nice, I'm going to be hunting for employment. Too be honest, I know it may be really hard, with a nose piercing, purple hair, and a face like Kreayshawn. Or however the fuck you spell that bitch's name. Omg I love that bitch. Seriously though, I look more like her than Lady Gaga. lol oh well. I don't mind. Not at all, hahah.



ok, dueces.

Labels: kreayshawn, personal, poodles

Writing this post from my phone. Despite the fact that a perfectly good and useful laptop is three meters away.. whatever. I had a long boring day, a lazy afternoon, and an uneventful night. Alex and I went to this local owned place called Daily Eats. Unfortunately I wasn't able to stomach my food and had to purge it out in the bathroom. Ashamed? As always. We the. walked to the bay, Channelside, and admired the way the moonlit sky reflected off the calm waves. We walked back to the town and walked in Starbucks. It was odd to feel out of place in a setting I'm used to. The Tampa scene college students all obviously came from money. Every lap had a macbook and every pair of eyes shot up and landed on our backs when we entered. We relaxed in barstools and read our horoscopes. After finishing our coffee, and a good half an hour, we headed back to the condo.
Now, I'm in a weird mood. Alex is going through a personal issue that I can't help her with and I can't stop. I gave her a cup of tea for her nerves. The thing is, when she goes through these, "episodes", I don't know what to do. I've always been shitty when it comes to comforting people, I mean, in our family nobody ever became emotional to the point that others had to help. I'm not familiar with dealing with these emotions. I'm confused and frustrated because I can't help. But anyway. I'm getting a bit... Ughy. My world is not as carefree as I make it seem. It's crazy, I've never gotten to know anyone on such a deep level before, and Idk. It's new.

Labels: anxiety, coffee, personal