Andy's new boots

So wow. almost a whole year since I've last made a post. 

I don't even know where to begin. 

....

Well, let me start by saying, I've become a new person. I've changed so much that I barely recognize my reflection these days. The girl who stares back always has a pained look in her eyes.. Her dark circles and sleepy eyes give her a natural raccoon look. Her lips are always curved outward in a straight line, not sad or angry, but melancholy and glossed over.. her skin, oh god, her skin is awful. It's red here, blotchy over there, and a city night sky of zits and acne. Her face is long with a thick mess of hair that imitates a skyline with strands that never stay in place. 

I work at a daycare now too, full-time. It's a simple job with a daily routine for the kids and the workers. I teach them table manners, patience, sharing, and good behavior. I change 13+ diapers a day, and clean up their daily messes from a rowdy day playing to the sticky mess left after snack-time. I put them to bed every day for a nap, and I teach them new things about nature, life, and the world that's expanding all around them. Basically, I'm raising these over privileged, spoiled, rich children. Sometimes I want to walk out and leave them all screaming and crying in a fit.. but most of the time, I love them. 

Oh, and I occasionally babysit one of these kids too. 

....

I feel like I've aged 25 years in 9 months. 

I'm extremely stressed by financial issues, work, and the idea of going to college. I'm nervous TERRIFIED of failure. Mainly because I've made a new plan for myself in life, and I feel like I've found my actual calling in life, but it's a loong, hard road that will change my life indefinitely. And it could be for better or for worse. 

Right now I'm exhausted... Tomorrow, I'm going to travel 200 miles east to see my 18 year old cousin be married by the church. I just felt like I had to return to this blog though.. I needed to write something down to ease my mind, and hopefully, I wont stop keeping up with it again.

we'll see.

-Andy